Tools for Being in a "New Chapter"

This article was first submitted in "Strategies For Change" June-July 2010 . This is a newsletter distributed by Sharon Teitelbaum, lifecoach. More about Sharon at http://www.stcoach.com/.

Tools for Being in a "New Chapter"  by M. Kieslich
Many working parents fantasize about what it would be like to become a stay-at-home mom or dad. I made this transition in the last year.  I loved my work as a director in a financial software firm but a confluence of events – a layoff, new issues with my daughter’s health and an increase in my husband’s work travel – made staying at home the best decision for now.   I miss the travel, the people, the constant sense of accomplishment and reward from working.  So, I’ve fashioned a few tools along the way to keep me sane.

Recognize and Celebrate this New Chapter

I know I made the right choice but it was thrust upon me, and there are definitely days when I don’t love it. This happens with any new job. So remind yourself that this too shall pass and concentrate on ways to make this chapter of your life unique. For example, last summer, I spent 4 weeks with my 10 year old daughter at my parent’s cabin on the lake up in my home town. While many consecutive days of rain soon had us on each other’s nerves, we had a memorable month of extended family, sunset swims and visits to every Cabot Cheese store. Every month I try something new, like a ski lesson or visiting the Topsfield Fair (the largest Agricultural fair in the US).  I reassess every 4 – 6 months on what is working and what makes sense next. At the end of this summer my husband and I will be asking ourselves questions – what are we sacrificing, does he like being the only breadwinner, how is our daughter doing?

Determine the Attributes of the New Job

This is a new role but there is no existing company culture or protocol. The job’s attributes are up to me. Take advantage of this flexibility and determine how you like to work. Do you like planning your days or more go with the flow? Do you enjoy being around people or prefer quiet? How physical do you like to be?  I like the feeling of definite accomplishment so every week I identify a certain project (I will frame all the family pictures). I also enjoy exchanging stories and strategies about my job so I book regular meals with other professional parents.  I have dropped the routine of exercise. Instead I make it integral to my days by biking to errands or walking my kid to school.

Demand What You Need

This job has real lasting value and you want to do it well. That means setting aside time to recharge regularly. Ponder how much “me” time you really will have and how it is different from before. I’m not known for my creative side but I took up scrapbooking. I can do it even if I only have 5 minutes, it’s not expensive, and there is a cool end product. I also started meditating 10 minutes a day. Somehow this has made me feel that maybe, just maybe, I am not in demand all the time.  Finally, I kept my position on a town committee.  I recognize I need to contribute professionally and outside the household.

These are some of the tools that helped me make the transition from being a working mom in a high intensity job to an at-home mom.  Perhaps these tools can be useful to you as well, even if your situation is different from mine.   
© M. Kieslich, 2010. 
For more information about M. Kieslich, go to http://www.linkedin.com/in/mariakieslich.