Thursday, August 4, 2011

The Tent

For some time I have been writing person posts to my sisters to give a look into what I find are the bizarre and funny  happenings of everyday life. You know, the little things that make up family life that you never remember later but make it really wonderful on a daily basis. Like you are in your own sitcom.  Here is one that I can share that doesn’t involve profanity or family secrets.

I live in a typical nice suburban neighborhood, colonial houses on a third of an acre, and nice lawns with sprinklers going off at set hours. Across the street, the new people on the block have erected a white party tent on the front lawn.  It is Wednesday.  We have no idea why it is there.  I don’t care.  We are “wave when you see them in the drive way” friendly with these people. But our 12 year old daughter is fascinated. Our breakfast nook looks out across the street so we see the tent every day.  Days go by and the tent is there. Finally on Friday, chairs and tables show up. We hear that a college graduation party for their son is happening on Saturday. The party comes and goes. But the tent stays.  The chairs and tables disappear, but the tent remains. Finally, Wednesday morning I come back from running errands, and the tent is gone.  

That evening when my daughter comes home from school, she asks about the big white tent and who picked it up. I say, “one of those small black and white Smart For-Two cars pulled up, about 9 clowns got out and they packed up the tent and took it away”.  Pause. My daughter just stares at me. I start humming “dum, dum, da, da, diddy, dum, da,da, da” – the circus diddy - and my husband is in stitches, laughing.  I enjoy envisioning this in our quiet neighborhood and crack up too. She, who has only been to the circus once when she was 4, has no idea what we are talking about (remember Barnum and Bailey as an event on TV? Why is the circus no longer on TV?).  Playful kid torture – the way I get through parenting.

Thanks for reading.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Defining "Chapters"

I was recently sharing the story of how I look at women’s transitions.  Transition has always seemed a bit harsh to me – it is like what happens when you go through different states of being – from solid to liquid to gas. I know there some scientific word for it that my 6th grader learned earlier this year….  For my first blog entry , I had called it a “New Chapter”.  I chose the word “chapter” because I like the imagery of this word: a gentle movement of going forward, building on what you did before. 

But I can’t take credit for it.  I learned this concept from a wise woman who had been through transition herself. I will call her Mary. Mary was the corporate lawyer for the small software company where I worked. She worked part time on sales contracts and hr matters.  But Mary’s was a heavy hitter. She had gone to Yale undergrad, where she was on the crew team. This team was instrumental in the Title IX, equal funding for women’s sports law. Mary had a bronze Olympic medal in rowing.  She attended Harvard Law School and I had heard she was either a partner or on the partner track at a big firm in Boston.  She had children and was married. Mary was pretty impressive and clearly living a “have it all” life. But suddenly, one of her parent’s had an accident and needed much care. When this occurred Mary decided to do another chapter of her life. She made a conscious decision to slow it down, take care of her mother and family. She described it as a hard but fulfilling change. Mary told me it is simply what women do – we move forward and just flip the page and write a new chapter. 

At the time, the lesson was lost on my 30 year old self.  I was half listening, really thinking about my next trip to Europe.  And now, 15 years later, a “chapter” has become such a positive way for me to think of my own life transition. How we “write” what is next, how we have some control, how there is a creative element to our journey. 

Monday, May 2, 2011

Tools for Being in a "New Chapter"

This article was first submitted in "Strategies For Change" June-July 2010 . This is a newsletter distributed by Sharon Teitelbaum, lifecoach. More about Sharon at http://www.stcoach.com/.

Tools for Being in a "New Chapter"  by M. Kieslich
Many working parents fantasize about what it would be like to become a stay-at-home mom or dad. I made this transition in the last year.  I loved my work as a director in a financial software firm but a confluence of events – a layoff, new issues with my daughter’s health and an increase in my husband’s work travel – made staying at home the best decision for now.   I miss the travel, the people, the constant sense of accomplishment and reward from working.  So, I’ve fashioned a few tools along the way to keep me sane.

Recognize and Celebrate this New Chapter
I know I made the right choice but it was thrust upon me, and there are definitely days when I don’t love it. This happens with any new job. So remind yourself that this too shall pass and concentrate on ways to make this chapter of your life unique. For example, last summer, I spent 4 weeks with my 10 year old daughter at my parent’s cabin on the lake up in my home town. While many consecutive days of rain soon had us on each other’s nerves, we had a memorable month of extended family, sunset swims and visits to every Cabot Cheese store. Every month I try something new, like a ski lesson or visiting the Topsfield Fair (the largest Agricultural fair in the US).  I reassess every 4 – 6 months on what is working and what makes sense next. At the end of this summer my husband and I will be asking ourselves questions – what are we sacrificing, does he like being the only breadwinner, how is our daughter doing?

Determine the Attributes of the New Job
This is a new role but there is no existing company culture or protocol. The job’s attributes are up to me. Take advantage of this flexibility and determine how you like to work. Do you like planning your days or more go with the flow? Do you enjoy being around people or prefer quiet? How physical do you like to be?  I like the feeling of definite accomplishment so every week I identify a certain project (I will frame all the family pictures). I also enjoy exchanging stories and strategies about my job so I book regular meals with other professional parents.  I have dropped the routine of exercise. Instead I make it integral to my days by biking to errands or walking my kid to school.

Demand What You Need
This job has real lasting value and you want to do it well. That means setting aside time to recharge regularly. Ponder how much “me” time you really will have and how it is different from before. I’m not known for my creative side but I took up scrapbooking. I can do it even if I only have 5 minutes, it’s not expensive, and there is a cool end product. I also started meditating 10 minutes a day. Somehow this has made me feel that maybe, just maybe, I am not in demand all the time.  Finally, I kept my position on a town committee.  I recognize I need to contribute professionally and outside the household.

These are some of the tools that helped me make the transition from being a working mom in a high intensity job to an at-home mom.  Perhaps these tools can be useful to you as well, even if your situation is different from mine.   
© M. Kieslich, 2010. 
For more information about M. Kieslich, go to http://www.linkedin.com/in/mariakieslich.